I say tomato, He says tomahto

  • Home
  • /
  • Blog
  • /
  • I say tomato, He says tomahto

Kids and languages

My kids got a bit shafted on the mother-tongue front. Although they have dual citizenship, both my husband and I hail from English-speaking backgrounds. He speaks raisonnable French, enough to roughly translate the menu as “something beef with something something red sauce”. I can carry on a basic conversation en español, después de dos o tres cervezas, but neither one of us has a fluent enough second tongue to pass on.

In this upside down expat world we’ve met kids that waffle between 3 and 4 different languages without a glitch. It’s beautiful and frankly, intimidating. In an international school like the one my children attend, they are often required to take instruction in the language of the host country. For us that means the oldest one has had a few years of Greek (great if we move back to Astoria, Queens) and now Danish (fantastic if we decide to settle in the Faroe Islands). Not the most useful, marketable languages long-term, but there you go. They are stuck with English. American and The Queen’s.

Before we had children, I had to sign a contract in blood that any progeny would refer to the world’s most popular game as ‘football’ and NOT ‘soccer’. I wanted kids, so they call it football.

I have relented to a degree. Parking lot is car park, trunk is boot. I can tolerate jumper, trainers, rubbish bin, and pavement. But there are certain words that I cannot exchange without wincing. Pants will never mean underpants to me, nor do they to my kids. Trousers summon fancy work type pants and a truck will never be a lorry. Oregano, tomato, garage and schedule are too ingrained to change. Aluminum and aluminium are two different words and spelled differently, thank you. And although my surname is spelled in the English manner with a ‘u’, color is always color and gray is always gray. Oh, and I will fight to my last breath in maintaining that it is a zee-bra, not a zeb-ra. It is certainly not w, x, y and zed. Queen’s English or not, that doesn’t even rhyme.

My very British in-laws claim not to understand what the boys are saying at times because they sound too broadly American. And granted, after a summer spent with my family on the outskirts of Boston, they come back claiming that everything is “AWEome” and calling people wicked “pah-ty poop-ahs”. When my kids visit the States, our American friends exclaim over how quaintly English they sound. And granted, after spending any time in the UK, they often sound like Dick Van Dyke trying to do cockney in Mary Poppins. I half expect them to click their heels and shout “chim chim cheroo”. They’re a mixed up bunch. They use a lot of British verbiage and turns of phrase, but with an American twang. And they use thoroughly American slang with a weird East London tang. Throw in a bit of Greek Cypriot phraseology (παναγια μου! εντάξει?), a little Danish (tusind tak!) and their little accents are all over the map. My oldest son has gorgeous Danish pronunciation, no easy feat, which he will never use again once our time in Denmark is up. The little one used to call out ”Oxi!” in his dreams, (“no!”), but he doesn’t remember it now.

And while the idiosyncracies of speech are fun to note and good fodder for dinner table jokes, more is at stake than how you pronounce tomato. Language and culture and identity are all tied up together. My children have parents that come from two different countries, and right now, are growing up in a culture that neither parent hails from, going to school with a group of children, that though homogenous in their educated, middle class-dom, call all four corners of the world ‘home’. They are oddly state-less. When asked where they ‘come from’, they don’t hesitate to say New York. But asked which country they identify with, and they get confused.

The big one was asked to learn his national anthem and came home flummoxed. The little one had to pick a flag to put his picture on for culture’s day at school and he faltered (though eventually he chose the Union Jack). At a scout meeting, when asked to start the meeting with The Pledge of Allegiance, having never been to school in the U.S., my oldest son had no clue what the words were. When asked to ‘choose sides’, more often than not they will choose Dad’s side. Perhaps it is because we live outside the United States or maybe it is because I have sons and they are starting to identify more with their father. But for whatever reason, as they grow older, I am becoming increasingly interested in which culture they will identify with, on which shores they will feel more at home.

Eether? Eyether? Neether? Nyther?

With kids, it isn’t so easy to call the whole thing off.

Re-published with kind permission of Dina Honour via I say tomato, He says tomahto | Wine and Cheese (doodles).

Need to talk 1-1 about your move and life overseas with someone who 'gets it'? Consider me your own, personal expat expert! I'm here for you.

Your one-stop-shop for a successful life abroad

Expatability Club

An expat community and advice hub where you’ll never feel alone or unsupported. With an Expat Expert in your pocket for real-time support.

Let's stay in touch!

Subscribe to my newsletter and be first to hear news and updates from Carole.

By subscribing you also agree to receive marketing emails from Carole Hallett Mobbs. You can opt-out of these emails at any time. My full privacy policy can be seen here: Privacy Policy

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked

  1. That’s so cute! We’ve all settled into a random mix of British English, Americanisms, Japanese and whatever other words take our fancy. At least in our family we know what we’re talking about 😉

  2. This jumped out at me immediately. Our 5yo, American born (English speaking, but also fluent in her Mama’s native tongue of Polish) sauntered up to me a few nights ago and asked for Tomato soup in her very best Aussie version of the word. I was so proud I got her to repeat it again, and again, and again… ha ha.

  3. My American friend got some strange looks in Marks and Spencer when she announced that she often wore ‘khaki pants’. (She pronounces ‘khaki’ as ‘caccy’.)

    1. Oh dear! That is funny!!
      For others wondering, here is the definition of ‘cacky’ from an online dictionary…
      cacky [ˈkækɪ]
      adj Informal cackier, cackiest
      1. of or like excrement
      2. dirty, worthless, or contemptible

  4. My 3yr old has the strangest accent, he has my Queens English but has developed a tiny Canadian/Quebec twang. The result is almost pure Brooklyn! He keeps asking if we can play gayyymes instead of games 😀

  5. I can sympathise. We speak UK English in our home but I sometimes use Dutch words which can confuse the kids. Mine are growing up speaking beautiful Russian and my son speaks the best Kazakh in his class – better than any of the local children and has been on TV as part of a spot encouraging people to speak Kazakh. It is a crazy world for expats.

{"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}

Want some personalised advice?

Find out how I can help you make your expat life a success!