A guide for parents when the world feels unsafe
With recent global events, I wanted to share some tips to help your child cope with this unexpected and terrifying experience.
When something frightening happens in the world – war, violence, natural disasters, or other large‑scale crises – it doesn’t stay neatly contained in the news. It’s not only adults in the midst of it who feel shaken. Children usually feel absolutely terrified. They absorb far more than we often realise, especially in today’s always‑connected world.
For families living abroad, these moments can feel even heavier. If you’re an expat parent, far from familiar support networks, it can feel even extreme. And while you’re trying to keep everything steady for your children, you are also carrying your own fear, grief, or exhaustion.
I want to say this first: if this feels hard, you’re not doing anything wrong.
This is hard.
These are real fears. Outside of your control.
You can only control how you react.
This article isn’t about getting it ‘right’ or making fear disappear, because fear is a natural reaction. It’s about helping your child feel safe enough right now.
Safe enough to sleep.
Safe enough to breathe.
Safe enough to let fear pass through and to (hopefully) prevent trauma taking up permanent residence in their minds.
Start with you (even though it feels backwards)
Children take their emotional cues from us. They watch our faces, our tone, our nervous systems – often more closely than they listen to our words.
That doesn’t mean you have to be calm all the time. It doesn’t mean hiding your feelings. It simply means doing what you can to steady yourself first.
Think of it as putting your own oxygen mask on – not because you matter more, but because your child needs you.
Small things count:
- Stepping away from the news when it’s too much
- Taking a few slow breaths before responding to questions
- Letting yourself feel without spiralling
Your calm presence sends a powerful message: “I’m here. I can handle this. You are safe with me.”
You can’t take the fear away – and that’s not a failure
As parents, we naturally want to take our children’s fear away. But the truth is: we can’t erase what’s happening. What we can do is help our children feel safe enough to process it – one moment, one day, and one night at a time.
This is one of the hardest truths of parenting: you cannot protect your child from everything.
Their fears are real.
They make sense.
And many of them are completely outside your control.
What is within your control is how you respond.
You don’t need perfect explanations. You don’t need to fix it. Often, what helps most is simply being alongside them and saying something like: “I know this feels scary. I’m here with you.”
That alone can alleviate some of the fear.
Use play to help the brain process fear
After frightening events, the brain can get stuck replaying images and thoughts.
Simple games – like Tetris, Solitaire, puzzles, or building games – use just enough focus to help interrupt panic‑loops in the brain. Many people (children and adults alike) find these especially helpful shortly after distressing news.
It’s proven that playing Tetris shortly after a traumatic event can significantly help the nervous system process what’s happened, and reduces the frequency of flashbacks associated with PTSD.
It does sound bizarre, but it really does work. Personally, Solitaire has helped me process various major life traumas from a bombing, the huge Japanese earthquake, deaths, and more.
The sooner you start playing one of these games, the quicker the panic-thoughts move through your brain and are less likely to make their home at the forefront of the mind.
For younger children, this might look like:
- Drawing or colouring together
- Building with LEGO
- Doing a jigsaw puzzle side by side
Play is not trivial. It’s how children make sense of big feelings when words are too much.
Another ‘tool’ I used with my child was role-playing with toys: she would talk as if ‘through’ the toy and was able to express words she didn’t want to say as herself.
Step out of the ‘real world’ for a while
When the outside world feels frightening, it’s OK to step away from it for a while.
This is the moment to roll out those screens:
- Rewatch a favourite film
- Put on a familiar TV series or cartoons
- Curl up together with something predictable and safe
You’re not avoiding reality. You’re giving your child’s nervous system a rest.
For a little while, you’re immersing yourselves into another world – one that feels familiar, comforting, and contained. That sense of safety matters more than keeping up with headlines.
Grounding through the five senses: comfort you can feel
Grounding brings the body back into the present moment. It gently reminds the brain: right now, I am safe.
You can do this by engaging the five senses in simple, comforting ways:
- Smell: a parent’s perfume, a familiar soap, freshly washed pyjamas
- Sight: photos of loved ones, pets, or favourite animals
- Sound: calming music, a bedtime story, gentle white noise
- Taste: warm milk, chocolate, a favourite snack
- Touch: a soft blanket, a cuddly toy, warm socks
Spray Teddy with Mama’s perfume, while eating chocolate, listening to music, and looking at kitten photos… you’ve just activated all the senses in one cosy, easy to create moment, which creates a surprisingly powerful sense of safety.
These moments don’t need to be elaborate or perfect. They just need to feel familiar and comforting.
Be gentle with yourself
Traumatic or frightening events don’t resolve overnight. There may be good days and harder days. That’s normal – for both children and adults.
This is not something you fix in a day.
There may be nights that are harder. Questions that come back. Emotions that surprise you – yours and your child’s.
You don’t need to:
- Have all the answers
- Make everything better immediately
- Push yourself, or your child, to ‘move on’
This is a long haul.
And doing a little, with compassion, is enough.
If you have the energy, additional resources or professional support can help. If you don’t, that’s OK too. Showing up, again and again, already matters more than you realise.
A final word
When the world feels frightening, you are your child’s safe place.
Not because you’re fearless.
Not because you have all the answers.
But because you’re there.
Small, gentle moments – play, comfort, grounding, rest – can help fear move through instead of taking up permanent residence.
And if no one has told you this yet: You’re doing the best you can in an impossible situation. That counts.
You are not alone in this – and neither is your child.
It’s no secret that I’ve been through similar, traumatic events as an expat with my child, but I can’t currently link to my old blog as the platform disappeared.
