I recently talked to a friend who made me think about the nature of homesickness. She was outraged when her child\u2019s school told her she couldn\u2019t have any contact with her son during his week-long year 6 residential trip.<\/p>\n
“It\u2019s cruel”, she raged, “he\u2019ll be homesick, he\u2019ll need me to reassure him, how can the school know what\u2019s best for him?” It took some convincing, but I persuaded her to take a step back and listen to what they were saying. I also tried to help by offering some insights from my own experiences\u2026<\/p>\n
We all assume that homesickness is caused by missing the familiarity of our \u2018home\u2019 and our loved ones. This is true in part, but it\u2019s not the whole story. In fact, it\u2019s less about missing <\/em>something than about needing <\/em>security, protection and love \u2013 elements that we deeply associate with home but that are not exclusive <\/em>to home.<\/p>\n Yes. We try to hide it, we see it as a sign of weakness and we feel angry with ourselves for giving in to it \u2013 but we do get homesick, in the same way and for the same reasons as a child. Homesickness has nothing to do with age, nothing to do with mental stability and nothing to do with being weak \u2013 homesickness just is – and the symptoms are the same at any age.<\/p>\n No. Homesickness is not a physical or mental illness, it\u2019s an emotion and like all other emotions it\u2019s unavoidable, spontaneous and inconsistent. The good news is, there are things we can do to lessen its impact and they start before we even leave.<\/p>\n Going back to my opening example, here\u2019s why the school was completely right\u2026 my friend was anxious about her son being away from home; she<\/em> felt that he\u2019d be sad without her and she<\/em> wanted to reassure him that if he hated it, she\u2019d rush to pick him up and rescue him from the awful experience. In short, my friend was about to let her <\/em>insecurities influence her son\u2019s mindset and give him reason to think there was something to fear. Instead, she set aside her own worries and simply told him he\u2019d have a lovely time. His school did the rest \u2013 providing the needed security, protection and friendship \u2013 and I\u2019m pleased to say he had an incredible week full of adventure and fun.<\/p>\n Before you move abroad, be positive about the experience. Embrace the change, get excited and try to avoid indulging people who would let their doubts become yours.<\/p>\n At any age, contact with home needs to be regulated or emotions can get in the way. Phone calls and FaceTime can end up with one or both parties sobbing because they miss being together. Far from providing some much-needed reassurance, this only acts to validate and reinforce the negative emotion.<\/p>\n You do <\/em>need little reminders that everything at home remains the same and will be there when (and if) you return; things that make you feel safe and secure. A great trick is to indulge yourself occasionally \u2013 buy some familiar food – us expats do have a bit of a ‘food thing’ going on, with care packages regularly sent from our home country! Perhaps find a way to watch something familiar on TV and make yourself feel \u2018at home\u2019 wherever you are, and the feeling will lessen for a while.<\/p>\n What you don\u2019t<\/em> need is dear old mum sobbing down the phone and saying life will never be the same without you, because then her negativity becomes your negativity and you can\u2019t move on. So, instead of phoning parents, siblings and friends, write to them. That\u2019s right, a good, old-fashioned, analogue letter! Receiving a letter is a wonderful experience and when writing people tend to concentrate on the good and positive; filling their pages with news and questions, rather than bemoaning all the things that are missed.<\/p>\n In between letters, get out there and make the most of your experience; make new friends, connect with people, join clubs, take up sports and fill your days with love and laughter. By recreating feelings of safety, security and familiarity in your new home, you stop needing <\/em>them and you move on from missing <\/em>them.<\/p>\n You can\u2019t change the fact that occasionally you\u2019re going to feel homesick, so try to think differently about it. You feel it because you are loved, treasured and valued and because in turn you love, treasure and value those you have left behind. That\u2019s not a negative thing, it\u2019s great! It means you have a safe, secure and nurturing place in the world that you can return to any time you want\u2026 but right now you don\u2019t <\/em>want that because you\u2019re off on an adventure!<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Homesick? I recently talked to a friend who made me think about the nature of homesickness. She was outraged when her child\u2019s school told her she couldn\u2019t have any contact with her son during his week-long year 6 residential trip. “It\u2019s cruel”, she raged, “he\u2019ll be homesick, he\u2019ll need me to reassure him, how can […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2325,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_srk_meta_title":"","_srk_meta_description":"","_srk_robots_meta":[],"_srk_canonical_url":"","_srk_advanced_settings":[],"_srk_last_sync":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[86],"tags":[88,133,134],"class_list":["post-2323","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-expat-life","tag-expat-life","tag-homesick","tag-homesickness"],"cubewp_post_meta":[],"taxonomies":["Expat life","expat life","homesick","homesickness"],"yoast_head":"\nDo adults get homesick?<\/h3>\n
Can homesickness be avoided or treated?<\/h3>\n
Surround yourself with positivity<\/h3>\n
Accept it and embrace it<\/h3>\n