{"id":1935,"date":"2017-04-28T08:22:22","date_gmt":"2017-04-28T06:22:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/expatchild.com\/expatdirectory\/?p=1935"},"modified":"2026-02-17T12:51:49","modified_gmt":"2026-02-17T12:51:49","slug":"when-you-dont-want-to-move-overseas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/expatchild.com\/expatdirectory\/when-you-dont-want-to-move-overseas\/","title":{"rendered":"When you don&#8217;t want to move overseas"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2>What if you really don\u2019t want to\u00a0move abroad?<\/h2>\n<p>Your partner has been offered this amazing job abroad, it will be fantastic for his career, the money is great and <em>everyone<\/em> thinks it\u2019s really exciting except one person&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><em>You.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>What happens when you don\u2019t want to move abroad?<\/p>\n<p>You don\u2019t want to give up your career.<\/p>\n<p>You don\u2019t want to give up your friends and family.<\/p>\n<p>You just don\u2019t want to go, plain and simple.<\/p>\n<h3>So what do you do?<\/h3>\n<p>First of all it\u2019s really important to acknowledge all the emotions you are currently experiencing.\u00a0 If you feel angry, if you feel resentful, if you feel put upon, if you feel upset, if you feel powerless then realise that whatever you feel \u00a0&#8211; it\u2019s okay.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s important to have those emotions as reactions but it\u2019s also equally important to then let them go.<\/p>\n<p>Own your decision. If you decide to go with your partner, you may <em>feel<\/em> you have no choice, but when push comes to shove \u2013 you really do have a choice.\u00a0 Truthfully and honestly, you could put your foot down, dig your heels in and just not go. Many couples live on different continents. Some couples do split up over this.<\/p>\n<h3>Own your decisions<\/h3>\n<p>But nobody can make this decision for you; it&#8217;s something you have to decide for yourself. And decide you must. Because if you don&#8217;t, then resentment will build and that&#8217;s never good in a relationship.<\/p>\n<p>So, if you do make the decision to go, you make the decision and then you own it.<\/p>\n<p>Then it\u2019s about making <em>other<\/em> decisions.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>What are you going to do to make the relocation work for you?<\/li>\n<li>What do you need to make it work for you?<\/li>\n<li>What do you need to negotiate with your partner to make it work for you?<\/li>\n<li>What do you need from your friends and family to make it work for you?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>You may not know all the answers to these questions because if you\u2019ve never moved abroad before you don\u2019t really know what it\u2019s going to be like.<\/p>\n<p>So when you get there it\u2019s okay to rant at French bureaucracy.\u00a0 It\u2019s OK to scream when you think everyone speaks English but it\u2019s not <em>your<\/em> version of English and you haven\u2019t got a clue for the name of something is; it\u2019s OK to get mad at Spanish timekeeping; it\u2019s OK to feel fed up with the weather. It\u2019s all perfectly OK and it\u2019s perfectly human and normal to feel these things. But whatever you feel, please don\u2019t make any of this the story of your expat experience. Get over it and accept this different way of life.<\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t go on and on about all the negatives.\u00a0Have a rant. Have a quick outburst and then decide how you are going to make life good for you. Use this as your mission.<\/p>\n<h3>Quick Tips:<\/h3>\n<p>Before you go discuss your fears and worries with friends who have a <em>positive<\/em> attitude. Those friends will help you reframe your thoughts and help you work out how to make the move abroad work for you.\u00a0Don\u2019t hang out too much with those who say \u201cOh my god, I wouldn\u2019t want to go either, how dreadful for your!\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s really not advisable to have all that negative input!<\/p>\n<p>Make sure you have those discussions with your partner <em>before<\/em> you move about what\u2019s going to make it work for <em>you<\/em>.\u00a0When you get there, go out and <strong><span style=\"text-decoration: underline; color: #008000;\"><a style=\"color: #008000; text-decoration: underline;\" href=\"https:\/\/expatchild.com\/make-new-friends-new-country\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">make new friends<\/a><\/span><\/strong> as fast as possible and <strong><span style=\"text-decoration: underline; color: #008000;\"><a style=\"color: #008000; text-decoration: underline;\" href=\"https:\/\/expatchild.com\/extra-challenges-expat-partner\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">learn to find your way around<\/a><\/span><\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve got lots of other great articles on this subject &#8211; try these for starters:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><span style=\"color: #008000;\"><a style=\"color: #008000; text-decoration: underline;\" href=\"https:\/\/expatchild.com\/reluctant-expat\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The reluctant expat<\/a><\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong><span style=\"color: #008000; text-decoration: underline;\"><a style=\"color: #008000; text-decoration: underline;\" href=\"https:\/\/expatchild.com\/overcome-relocation-reluctance\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Overcome relocation reluctance<\/a><\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong><span style=\"color: #008000;\"><a style=\"color: #008000; text-decoration: underline;\" href=\"https:\/\/expatchild.com\/trailing-spouse-identity\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The trailing spouse and identity<\/a><\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><span style=\"color: #008000; text-decoration: underline;\"><strong><a style=\"color: #008000; text-decoration: underline;\" href=\"https:\/\/expatchild.com\/expat-isolation-how-to-cope\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Stay proactive<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/span>, keep busy and focus on the positive about your new life and your new country.<\/p>\n<p>Keep in touch with your friends and family back home. Schedule regular talking times to make sure you feel connected.<\/p>\n<p>Embrace and welcome the new experiences and know they will expand your current version of yourself.\u00a0 If you have children, look at this as a golden opportunity for them to <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><span style=\"color: #008000;\"><strong><a style=\"color: #008000; text-decoration: underline;\" href=\"https:\/\/expatchild.com\/benefits-challenges-tck\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">broaden their horizons<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/span> and gain in confidence and worldliness.<\/p>\n<p>Look forward to sharing all these new experiences with your partner and allow your relationship to get closer as a result of all these shared memories.<\/p>\n<p>If you move and you decide you really do not like it, then know you can come home. But if you don\u2019t at least give it a try, how will you ever know?<\/p>\n<p>If you really do <em>not<\/em> want to move abroad, embrace the emotions and then make a decision on what you are\u00a0going to do. If you do decide to go, own this decision and do everything you\u00a0can to make sure you create positive intentions around the experience. Don\u2019t fall into a passive victim role of disempowerment as this is not going to serve you or your relationship. Instead, embrace and celebrate your decision and decide to focus on all that is good and great about it.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What if you really don\u2019t want to\u00a0move abroad? Your partner has been offered this amazing job abroad, it will be fantastic for his career, the money is great and everyone thinks it\u2019s really exciting except one person&#8230; You. What happens when you don\u2019t want to move abroad? You don\u2019t want to give up your career. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3197,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_srk_meta_title":"","_srk_meta_description":"","_srk_robots_meta":[],"_srk_canonical_url":"","_srk_advanced_settings":[],"_srk_last_sync":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[86,54],"tags":[113,112,111],"class_list":["post-1935","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-expat-life","category-planning-and-preparation","tag-emotions","tag-plan","tag-trailing-spouse"],"cubewp_post_meta":[],"taxonomies":["Expat life","Planning and Preparation","emotions","plan","trailing spouse"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Expat Directory - Expat Directory<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What if you don\u2019t want to move abroad? 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